so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
