i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My feet surprised me
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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