just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
