The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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