I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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