How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
