Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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