Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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