First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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