Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
