I bet he comes in French.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
