i need an iv and a liver transplant
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
