apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
