have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
