Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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