I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
