First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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