peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
