it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
