I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
