i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
