she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
