I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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