Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
