WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
