my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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