The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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