Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
