Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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