Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
