im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
