4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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