the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
