Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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