I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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