When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
