i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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