Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
