Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
