Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
