Betty ford says i'm here all night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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