remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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