So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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