I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
