White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
