oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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