my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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