there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
