i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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