This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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