he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
