I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
