yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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