come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
