i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
