He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
