man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
high people should be assigned attendants
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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