Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
