Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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