I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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