I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
