just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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