If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
