I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
