thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
