so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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