Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
