Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
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I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
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Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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